Today is the first day I feel kinda bad. Since chemo on Wednesday I've had a little nausea, but have mostly been fine. This morning I woke up feeling pretty drained and funky. Eating a little bit every once in a while helps. I am definitely gaining respect for pregnant women.
I am also finding that the emotional journey is just as challenging, if not more so, than the physical one. When I first received the diagnosis of cancer, I was filled with a rush of faith and courage. I felt confident in God to carry us through life or death. I honestly wasn't afraid to die and I felt a strange freedom to live fully in each moment without taking it for granted. As the prognosis seemed to improve, I found myself feeling a little bit like I didn't need God so much anymore. Most days I ping pong between the two with a good dose of "I am really irritated this is happening to me!" as well.
It has helped me to reflect a little on Moses. He experienced God through some pretty big ups and downs on his way to leading God's people to a new life. At a climactic moment, Moses was in the Lord's presence on Mt Sinai while the people where unfaithful below. I can identity with faithful Moses seeking God's presence and the people who forgot what God did just the other day. Anyway, it says the Lord would come and speak with Moses like a friend. In an amazing conversation about the upcoming journey to the promised land, Moses says, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here." (Ex 33:15). Although Moses could have been proud of his own leadership of the people thus far, or confident in the numbers of the new nation, he had learned something important - no place is good apart from the Presence of God. Conversely, anything is possible with Him.
Cancer or no, I want to live in the freedom that comes from being in the presence of God.
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we are praying you will feel His presence close, even during those moments when you're feeling irritated, tired, sick . . . love, Tim & Heather
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouraging words. It is amazing how God is already using this in your life to be such an encouragement example to others. You are in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI love you and am praying with you all the time. Psalm 37:4 says to "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." This is a promise to you, Adam. So, I believe that cancer or no, God will grant you the freedom and peace that comes from His presence ... because it is the desire of your heart.
ReplyDeleteThe desire of MY heart is that God take the dang thing out of your body and fling it as far away from you as possible. And I'm asking for that (what did Grammie always say? "Go ahead and ask God for what you want, because he knows anyway."). But while I'm asking for the miracle, I'll be praying WITH you for the freedom and peace that comes from His presence.
Wishing I could be there to help you, Casey and the kids. Give everyone a big squeeze for me.
-Betsy
Adam, I know full well what you are going through. I went through and still do at times, the same emotional swing you are experiencing. You, Casey and the kids are in our prayers and if you ever need to vent, give me a call, I fully understand how you feel.
ReplyDeletehey adam, i've been trying to think of something good to write but i think my brain is getting in the way so i'll just try my heart instead.we haven't talked in so long , been awhile. so in light of everything going on just wanted to say that we love and serve a magnificent god. it's a really good deal 'you know' we give him 100% of our burdens, he gives us rest to our soul , desires of our heart[he even puts the desires there so we can have good ones]and we get to have fellowship with the creator of the heavens and earth and his son,he'll even send us on a mission if we ask him to to rescue people for him. what a life. we get to freely give what has been freely given. not to mention when jesus said the works i do you shall do also and even greater works when he goes to his father.all i know is god is all light and all love, and that he is willing and he is able, and i have not one ioda of doubt that his will for your life is to be made whole 100%. just look to him, talk to him and listen and if you have a weak moment and start to doubt, ask him to help and he will. you are very much loved and needed and have great things ahead. if you have any doubt,doubt that there's anything that god cannot do.remember that god calls you his masterpiece and he can set things right at the same time while he's busy holding the universe together and making the grass grow ect.so hang tough , praise god amen
ReplyDeleteHey, Adam and Casey...
ReplyDeleteWe're keeping track of you and praying for you. You've always been a special friend, brother!
Alison (Raymond) Bryant